A day by day collection of gems and highlights from the eight-day retreat in New Zealand - December 2018  


Opening Session

“We forget who we are. We prefer what is passing rather than what is never-ending and infinite.” 

"The universe is not arriving separate from What we Are. It IS the arrival of What we Are expressed, living, breathing, knowing Itself and living what It is." 

"We are not blinded by the light - we are blinded by the known. Your Freedom is in the unknown.”

“I hear you in the silence. We love in the silence and we meet in the silence and the silence is radiantly alive.”



We Glow Together

I would like to enter this place of loving, this placeless place of pure conductivity, where we are freed of the known through seeing the known is a door to the unknown. And then the unknown forms but once the unknown forms it will evaporate into the next level of deeper Meaning forming. It is like our breath. You breathe in. It's done. You blow it out. It's done. If you breathe in what you just breathed out, you are not going to last very long. This is like our expression. If we hold an expression we limit our mystery. If we hold our name we limit our flow. If we live utterly free of our past we begin to glow together.  

Function From And As Your Infinite Nature

Mostly in this 'living' - not in the Life for ‘Life’ is different -  but in this ‘living’, we function and operate only within the perimeters of  the known, limitation.  

I would like to encourage you to begin to function in your infinite nature AS your infinite nature. A functionality that is eternal, that does not die, that is already free and that is glowing the profound. It is the What I really Am. Mostly it seems to disturb us greatly to enter the mystery because it disturbs our comfort zones of the known. So we just keep conducting the known, but what if you discovered you are conducting the universe? What if you discovered you are conducting the cosmos?  

Ready to Lose It All

It is not until we are ready in this moment to ‘lose it all’ because we are called deeper than the familiar, that the pure conductivity that is in the stars, in the birds, in the bees, in each other, in how we really meet begins to be known. It is already flowing like a river, already shining like a star, already fully alive. 

The Highest Value

It is the highest value that we are together. You have not come to some great teaching, some great person, you have come to discover your own inherent greatness. This is what Life is, pure conductivity. I am That that I seek in everything. It just flows, like a river to an ocean. We know we know. We know we love. 

Day 1  

“We yearn to be the pure connectivity, the pure connection that just IS.”

"You are It, you are the connectivity between the cosmos and the unseen…and more." 

“We just cannot believe that we are all dancing light and we KNOW the rhythm! “  

“The very answer to any difficulty, any seeming problem, any single moment - that answer is already here as the one who calls itself 'I' , the one who  is listening.”

‘Immeasurable Presence, is not something exterior. It is awakening to itself right here right now. It disturbs the familiar, preparing the ground for forms of the Unknown. It could be said to be New Life.“

“When we are free of the belief that we are limited, then any sense of limitation is perfectly okay.”

“The known is a door to the unknown.”

“The universe always reflects what you truly value. The universe forms and lives your values.”

“Value that that transcends the function of form.”

“Our greatest pain is our profound entrance into realising What we Are.” 

“Living Knowing only happens when you are embodying it. Then you understand.”

Being With ‘What Is’

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Being totally with ‘What Is’ transcends the lack of a limited sense of self. We pass through the illusion that we are ever ‘someone’ through this 'I', this aperture of return and this aperture of outflow. We return through the stream, and on our return, which is only ever Now, we open to pure conductivity. But we also experience the dissolution of the familiar, the dissolution of what made us move, react and get something done, how we held the doing and gave it a name of a doer. All this begins to undo. We may look into the world and see the world is being undone, not by ‘someone’, but by the very truth of Awareness awakening to what It deeply first Is. 

Behold A Flower Directly
Our real freedom, our inherent freedom is not actually in how things are held in the world-mind, in a thought or a feeling, in how we look at a thing and we believe:” It's a ‘thing’.”

Is a flower a thing? Does it really have a name? Is it not true that we can behold a flower and KNOW the flower, not intellectually, but directly? Is a flower not a Beingness already alive within us?

Life Helps You Know You

When we are truly awakening we are going to disturb and unsettle every concept that we are a someone. If you have a look, Life helps you do that in every step, every breath, around every corner Life helps you sometimes in very dramatic and traumatic ways. Life helps you know you. Begin to see you know you know deeper than these forms that come and go. 

Is the wind blowing the trees or is this connectivity moving everything? Are the elements not moved by Self realising itself, Awareness aware of being aware? Is this not the movement that you see in the universe and within your own living room?

 So then Knowing our sense of self - I mean REALLY knowing - its patterns and its old ways, old manner .. isn't the knowing, the seeing of it from the heart of Being without doing anything the dissolving of it? Connecting this sense of self with Knowing knowing Knowing? Am I really someone sitting over here 'seeing’? Am I really someone sitting over there 'hearing'? 

There is a thrill in what opens ....

In such openness every level will open in the self, in the person in the world. It will all open. It's like towing a caravan and all the doors spill out and everything pours out. If you are doing the driving and you have someone there they might rush to put everything back in … or they might be a little smart and just leave it where it is. Something new will go in those shelves. Those doors that are opening are just showing you how all this is. 

Awakening has everything flying open, springing open - sometimes loudly, sometimes quietly, sometimes traumatically, but always perfectly. We begin to explore the More of what we are . We're freed of this belief that we are limited and any sense of limitation is perfectly okay. 


What we Are is undivided but we think ‘What we Are undivided’ is a person and it is not. The person is an expressive vehicle of this One. I am speaking of this One that I AM. This sense that we are the ground of all of this is the truth in Being but we still put it through this idea that we are a person. 

I am pointing to this mystery that is Here. I go anywhere you want for you to discover what this is in and as You...but are You a you?


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The Calling to Know

The Calling to know always puts pressure on what you value and have valued in the levels that definitely pass away, the body, the mind, the sense of self and person. They all belong to Being.

Live for the Unknown 

You want to live the unknown, for You ARE the unknown. The unknown reveals to you What You Are, filling up the cells that are now emptied by You, Awareness, no longer using your self as You, but realising that What You Are is The Self. That transforms this self. Then the true value of the body begins to live in your consciousness. Everything begins to be utterly different. You really begin to live as though you will never ever end. Because you don't. 

Our Greatest Pain

What we have given great value to in the passing realm of our sense of self will be our greatest pain. Our greatest pain is our profound entrance into realising what we are. Our pain is only energy held to keep together this sense of self. That is our pain. When we have no need to keep this sense of self going anymore because we are The Self, there will be no pain in any of this. Our pain is holding this me together, this illusion that I am ‘someone’. It is a wonderful illusion..

There Is Nothing But Conductivity – Pure Shakti

We are discovering that there is nothing but conductivity. In the East they would call that Shakti. They would say Shakti fills and dances the cosmos from her Love of Being. There is nothing that is not conductivity. Nothing could exist without this conductivity, nothing could be known without conductivity. The conductivity are streams and streams of pathways in which Beingness already moves. 

There is nothing that Being cannot move in and there is no distance in that movement. Your deeper Knowing is a movement of your Being and you are moving at as such a swift speed of Consciousness that there is no speed in it. That is how swift it is. You are getting hold of another level of What You Are and you are able to bring it here in this form. Mostly we concentrate on the movement of a thought or a feeling or a sensation of this belief that we are ‘someone’. We concentrate on that and then we give the direction of all our life to the belief that we are a ‘someone’, not actually eternal and that we can only move in the body-mind. But actually the movement of the body-mind Is the movement of the Beyond. You have to fully awaken to what You first are, a deeper Knowing, which isn't a thing.

Most of humanity is locked in this finite expression of ‘being somebody’. There is so much more to what we are but we don't step into it. When you who is aware truly drop into a deeper level, you experience openness, gentleness and benevolence. There is a reverence of what is profoundly deep. 


The Delight in a Child

 The delight in a child is that it doesn't know anything and also the delight in a child is that it is not aware of anything. It is totally What Is. The baby is just pure living Awareness. Delightful, sweet and innocent. The delight in the baby is not because we think that baby is ours but its delight that It IS the light of Awareness shining forming and living. But the baby doesn't know it's shining, doesn't know it's living, doesn't know it's Awareness and doesn't know a single thing. Somehow that makes it extremely delightful.

 As the child begins to grow, so does its Awareness and so does its consciousness in that it is able to move and able to hold .It doesn't know what it is moving, doesn't know what it is  seeing. It gets to be taught all these things and then it comes into the condition. It starts to be split that very sweetness into someone experiencing something. That is all development that is beginning to take place.


 You Know You Know You Know

Is it not true that there is Awareness, that the listener is aware? Is it also not true that the listener is aware and knows Awareness. We believe and are taught there is ‘someone aware’ but there is Awareness aware. Awareness knows it is aware because from Awareness comes the light of Consciousness or Being, the light of Knowing. Awareness knows it is aware. You know you are aware, but we have been taught to add that there is 'someone' who knows they are aware.

Every night you go to sleep, all your forms of Knowing, which are actually made of light, flow back into Awareness. Awareness is the very blackness you see when you close your eyes. There is only black and everything on the blackness of the screen that you can see or know is Consciousness at various degrees of 'forming'. As Awareness returns deep into what IT IS, even Consciousness goes and you are just Awareness. This has no value to the mind; it cannot understand this.

When you go to sleep at night everything gets sucked back into the screen. The black is Awareness. The light is Awareness expressing its own Consciousness. 

Anything that you know, you know because you are Consciousness and the very knowing of a thing, such as a flower or any thing you know, is made of Knowing. It is Knowing forming. You are only ever knowing you know you know. This will annihilate your self if you keep heading towards this. Anything you could possibly ever see, anything you could possibly ever experience is the light of your own Knowing forming and it is all happening in your own bright blackness. 

Have a look, when you close your eyes, it is bright black, is it not? There is such a thing as black light. This is the brightness of Awareness. You are knowing this somewhere. You disappear into this every night you go to sleep. You are aware but you are not 'someone aware'. You have believed that you are someone aware. 

You know you are aware and you know you are aware through apparent forms but those forms are made of your own light of Awareness. This is What You Are and is your ongoing expression of What You Are. That is called the cosmos. If you go ever smaller that is called the universe, that is called earth, that is called humanness and smaller still that is called 'me'. Your true desire is to realise WHAT AM I?

Every Single Dilemma, Every Single Joy

You are only seeking your own Self-realisation but it is appearing as every single dilemma you could possibly ever have and it is appearing as every single moment of joy you could possibly experience. It's all YOU seeking YOU - Awareness.  


What Is The Point ? - a conversation in satsang

Q: If you are everything already what's the point of anything then?

B: Why do you eat food?

Q: To live ..

B: Why do you live ?

Q: To not die ...

B: What's wrong with death ? 

Q: I don't know yet...

B: But you do. You are in a dying process now aren't you ? You are in as much of a dying process as if you were losing your body. Whatever is going on in your life….you are against it. If you are against what is going on in your life, it is like saying " I am not the Source of all of this" but you ARE, but you have to die to believing that you are a somebody. YOU take You through multiple deaths - you will also be taking you through multiple loves.  Until through multiple deaths and multiple loves, their origin is 'I' .It begins to really get clear: I Am that I Am. 

There may come a time that you hear a bird and you're it because you are and you see a flock of birds fly though the sky and it moves you or you might be in a group of people and for no reason whatsoever Love moves from nowhere up throughout the entire body. 

Being is living, moving All This. Being loves to see you. Being loves to say hello. Being loves to fly and Being also loves to die , because it never does. Being is this movement. You discover more of what you are in Being. In whatever you take on why would you do anything that is not full of Being ? That would believing like a robot..bit we live like robots when we're moving only in the concepts of the past. There is no Life . When you live as if you were to die , you come alive and then you discover that you never die because you are open to the deeper levels of your Pure Being and you will BE aware that all this is contained in what you deeply are. 

You have levels of holding on and you have refused to meet them in Being ...

A real so called teacher will point to what you are help you meet those levels in being , so they can be transcended and transformed in Being. In other words you will be free. You will return to freedom. Then whatever you do and move will be a movement of your Being. As you move in Being you really understand YOU do not die . NOW you fully live . What a blessing that is to fully live in Being. As you fully live in Being new forms of Being come into existence. Flowers everywhere..but you will be called to meet everything that you are not meeting that makes you hold on to being someone, for you are infinite.

In Being you are infinite and it forms. It is already forming now as the universe and moving and changing. Pure Being loves being woman, being man, being human, being a star , being the sun, being a planet, being the entirety.  

You will be meeting the conditions that hold you back from such freedom, nonetheless, whether you can hear this or not, you are infinite. 

Day 2

"Death is the invitation to transform those levels that are obscuring the depth of Reality that one is already." 

"The deeper you go, the less there is for yourself."

“Pain is the belief that you are individuals but you are the totality. Pain is the belief that you need the body-mind to love and be Love and give Love. You don't. You are Love being Love, oozing Love.” 

“Our human-ness is a living body. It really is a living body of Awareness. If we are really in our body we are in our human-ness and when we are in our human-ness we have compassion for all humanity.”  

" To realise one's being and for Being to move the body is a true humanity. "

"In your openness the whole universe arises and returns."

“It is 'I' that exists and then 'I' embody 'Am'. I Am the body of existence. I am the consciousness of existence.”

"The body yearns for the subtlety of You as a being, not for repetition, not for linear participation but vertical."

"Here and Now there is always a finer frequency of Being available that is more than the usual."

“When you look a little deeper, you transcend the idea of 'your name' but in this transcendence whilst there is form, it includes ' your name', the development of that level of self and person.” 

In the Eye Of Infinity 

Q: Can you please comment on this quotation: "I am an eye drop in the eye of Infinity." 

B: Seeing that I have become a new Zealander that's a "Yeah-no". In India they don't say Yeah-no". They say “Neti Neti – ‘not this’ and ‘not that’.”  

I am an eye drop in the eye of infinity. You can only say that as an eye drop, but to know that you will be infinite. Infinity forms itself to know itself and return to itself, so it can say " I am an eye drop in infinity" but the space between 'I' and 'AM' is speaking. I and AM: infinite knowledge, able to say 'I'. Consciousness. Infinite knowledge able to speak in a body: 'AM'. 

I - Consciousness AM existent. I am the totality of existence. The drop then is the drop of infinite knowledge appearing as the cosmos. If you want to go a little bit smaller it is appearing as the universe. So we have a cosmic body of Awareness, a universal body. All that keeps getting smaller so this vast intimacy drops as an eye drop of 'I-Human'. So I human am 'I-Universe' am 'I-Cosmos' am 'I-I'... Gone!

To know I am an eye drop in an infinite ocean of Being. That knowing as an ‘I’ is going to evolve as it drops deeper where it knows 'I am an eye drop'.  It will become immersed in how it knows it knows it is an eye drop. 

Then there is a changeover from our knowledge being about a linear perception of past events and either a hopeful future to change those events we didn’t like or have the ones that we liked again. This whole linear perception begins to collapse in a verticality, the knowledge I AM. It all begins to collapse. When we do a prayer for instance that is a wonderful collapse. It is life coming home to its infinite nature. The horizontal is known as the vertical and the vertical plays what it is in the apparent horizontal. 

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The vertical puts time and space at a standstill. Rather like when you drop into sleep. Time stands still, because time is only made up of a mind reflecting past images and moving the energy to move past images.  That is imagination. When you go to sleep everything stands still but You return to You or you go deeper than sense perception. You are not moving back into infinite Awareness, You are infinite Awareness, but this level plays in space and time. So that moment of sleep is vertical. 

About Acceptance of Pain and Contraction

Q: The pain that I saw today was coming from not accepting that finite limited part. It came from thinking that I should be able to know deeper constantly in every situation, no matter how painful, yet there is a natural process of grief in the finite form and if there is an acceptance for that then that is not a denial.

When you are a little bit awakened, a little bit more aware and you come upon a pattern and Awareness moves up in that level of self where the pattern is and Awareness gets absorbed by the pattern, so then there is a pattern absorbed by Awareness. Then the patterns begins to animate the Awareness and you become small and finite to the constructed sense of 'me'. The sensation of it, the feeling of it, the thought of it, the actuality of it. You get confined. That's the finite. But You are the infinite pretending to be finite.

It's not so much rejecting it as it is 'not adding anything to it. Accepting is to totally let that be as it is. But don't project anything else on it. Don't give any support to that informational field that is contracted. Accept it as it is but don't add anything to it. If you add something to it you are trying to ease the pain of that contraction with the very contraction itself. That is using your self and you will get even more tight. 

To experience pain totally and fully felt in every fibre of the body, but not to add any story to it or any manner whatsoever to make it easier. What You First Are only then begins to flower and the contraction begins to be absorbed by the flowering of your Awareness in it. That is total acceptance of the pattern because you have not added anything to it. You have not needed to support your self in the pain. The support of your self is you being What You First Are amongst what is painful. The fruit of your being then is not given to the self to support it, the fruit of your being flowers the self without becoming that self and that is when self opens up to take the shape of this flowering Awareness called I. Try to support that and you will get tighter. Add any story to that and it will get tighter and you will find that the story will project onto apparent others. Truly feel everything and don't push it away. You will find as Awareness you will begin to flower inside that level of self and person. 

A Living Body Of Awareness

Our human-ness is a living body. It really is a living body of Awareness. If we are really in our body we are in our human-ness and when we are in our human-ness we have compassion for all humanity. Our human-ness is our body and when we're really in our body, we're very humane. When we're really in our body, we're in touch with the entire universe. We're in touch with every human being, in touch  with the trees and with the birds and all that is natural on the planet in our body. 

Because there is nobody here that is separate from the entire planet, there is no body sitting here that is separate from the fly that has just whizzed past our ears and from the butterfly dancing over there. We're not separate from the flower that is budding in the field  or the wood chips, not separate from the birds and the breeze. We're not separate from nature. We ARE nature and our body is natural and humane: human. A humanness that is growing and human-ness moves by heartful Being. When we're in our heart our humanness expands, loves and gives When we're really embodied we are really 'human-Being' or 'Being-human'.

Our self thinks it is What We Are but when we are really in our body we love everybody as a being embodied.  We love there very body of the earth and the body of the universe. We love everybody as our own body. From that we can experience a tenderness that exceed the tenderness an vulnerability of humanness. Is it your humanness that moves your being or is it your being that moves your humanness? 


Can we see that our self has taken over our body, taken over our body mind? We actually believe we're a self? I am not just speaking about empathy, I am speaking of Oneness. Lived Oneness. 

Our self cannot know What I AM. what a body is . It is an instrument that really is in constant transformation. As Awareness deepens in the Knowing having a body , Awareness expands and the body mind alchemically begins to match the deeper Beingness. We exceed the barriers of a sense of self. We actually bring flowering into sense perception of Being. It is there that you love your body, it is there that you love another body as your very being.  

To realise one's being and for Being to move the body is a true humanity. Only that evolves the sense of self and aligns the self with the outpouring of Being-human. So we can be moved by our self for our self or we can be moved by Being-human. 

Within that there is growth because really we are universal intelligence and deeper. The body becomes a universal Being-form. Human becomes divine or universal.  These are not just New Age ideas, this can be realised. 

Not Just A Taste …You Want The Lot

You don't just want a taste, you want the lot in Self-realisation. Total Openness, sometimes referred to as surrender. Openness is a good vibration for this current humanity. Surrender is not ..that's an old humanity, This humanity is ready for Openness, not surrender.

Q: Openness has more power...

B: You don't need power to be open. Silence or stillness is not a power but in silence power moves. It moves for the silence. 

The Body Is A Cosmic Aerial

The body is like a cosmic aerial. It picks up frequencies of Being that are cosmic and also picks up frequencies of Being in the beyond. Or it can just be used to make your tea and keep yourself comfortable.

The moment we are just a little bit stiller the body begins to pick up and deliver to the sense of self more than the ordinary way of Being, forming, doing, saying, walking, speaking . You begin to pick up more than the usual. You begin to pick up the unusual.

If we practice familiarity in the way we walk down the street, in the  way we relate to our body and the way we relate to others, we don't pick up the subtleties of being that are a flow in what is moving in what appears to be existence.   

It is 'I' that exists and then 'I' embody 'Am'. I Am the body of existence. I am the consciousness of existence. 

Even though to our mind it looks like we are all separate, the field is actually one subtle field of Being. There is a field of the unusual here. There is a subtle frequency that is available. As Awareness we either move to know the subtlety of that frequency and that Knowing then enters the body and it  begins to be our ay of the moment, or it begins to be in the way of the moment because we want to do something from our usual sense of self.  

The subtlety of our Being, the frequency that is much more subtle than our usual, can interfere with our agendas of who we think we are, how we think we should be and what we think we should say. We rather push it  away because in the subtlety of our Being we won't know what we are in the usual way. We won’t know ourselves like we used to. 

The body yearns for the subtlety of You as a being, not for repetition, not for linear participation but vertical. So Here and Now there is always a finer frequency of Being available that is more than the usual. 

Bring What You Are

Can you bring What You Are into what could be said to be an egoic realm, in such a way that the ego or the sense of self transforms in you being transcendent, in you being Presence, in you being Fullness? Are you learning that much about What You Are and how you bring What You Are here into form? 

Move to Pure Perception

We're moving to  a level of perception that transcends past experience and within  that it actually includes it within our humanness. We are just talking about perception, not somebody perceiving. The perceiver and the perceived are the same one. The known and the knower are the same one. You only ever perceiving and knowing YOU, What You Are. If you cease dividing Knowing or perception - the division is:  "I am someone knowing and perceiving and I am knowing and perceiving certain actions and certain things."  

When you let go of being a perceiver and you just 'perceive' you transcend the separate sense of self . You are the light of pure living Awareness. Then you truly see - it is here that true Life is. 

Day 3

"I Am the I Am realising What I Am constantly." 

"All patterns are changeable but the ground of all patterning, the light of Being Aware is unchangeable and knowable for I know I Am knowingly aware."

"A pattern is the outpouring of the light of Awareness forming what It is into shapes of experiencing. " 

 "Each and every one of us know the way Home. The way Home is Now. It's not way ,way far. It's way, way near." 

"A pattern is the outpouring of the light of Awareness forming what It is into shapes of experiencing. " 

"What You Are is the Here. There IS only Here." 

"HERE is the space of infinite Awareness and NOW is the movement that appears as time and that is the true nature of the one that is listening to these words now."  

"When you are being totally aware in whatever is happening, you are the light of Awareness."

"The 'I' is an aperture. It is the first light streaming this level of reality called existence. " 

"The world is a thought form of our own making. It is a closed circuit of finite experience, but the one who is making it is infinite and has an infinite connection with the entire cosmos."

“The cosmos itself is a pattern of light arising in pure bright Awareness. I Am that brightness, the One who is listening. Patterns naturally arise and naturally dissolve within this Awareness I Am. “

What are patterns? Are they necessary? 

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Is ‘all this’ not a pattern woven? Do I not transcend this pattern and then include it? With every breath? Most definitely at night I transcend this pattern. Where do I go? Do I go anywhere or am I Awareness being knowingly aware of a deeper realm of my own Beingness. I am absolutely returned to the profundity that I Am. Do I not awaken ‘up’ to this level of form, before I mistake myself for this level? Isn't awakened-ness in the morning silent, sweet and good? And just before I apparently go to sleep, isn't it sweet, silent and good? Doesn't Awareness fill everything up when we wake in the morning and doesn't the filling up return into the unformed at night? 

Check it out, first thing in the morning and last thing at night. It is reasonably easy to discover this in those moments, but right Now, with so much preferred information, it is a little bit more difficult. 

Are patterns necessary? Well yes and no. The cosmos itself is a pattern of light arising in pure bright Awareness. I Am that brightness, the One who is listening. Patterns naturally arise and naturally dissolve within this Awareness I Am. 

The Root Of All Patterns

I am the open space of Knowing Aware. Knowing Aware is truly alive - sometimes simply quiet, other times quietly joyous, others joyously quiet, sometimes nothing whatsoever. But never dead. Then what is this primal pattern, the root of all patterns? The idea I am a 'me' ,a reference point called 'me' a 'what about me' instead of a what about the What Am I ? 

 When we don't go deeply into What Is, we stay bound by the conditionality of our society, of our family, our religion, of whatever, we stay bound. But when we really go into What Is, enter it and enter it - whether it's fear or doubt, we will only discover deep living Knowing Aware and the silence of it lives the cosmos and reveals itself to itself. The funny thing is it is able to drive a car. It can do...because it is Being. It doesn't do being . It is Being doing. 

At The Cinema - Dancing Particles Of Light

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As a kid in the cinema I loved to go to the cinema and I would sit right in the back of the theatre. What did something within me was the moment when all the lights went down. It was as if when the lights went down there was a roar. And I am not talking about the lion's roar of the Metro Goldwyn Mayer lion. The moment the lights went down there was a roar of the light going down within me. It was raw, a raw-ly roar and the moment that the screen was lit, the blackness was lit with a beam of light. 

Everyone was more interested in the play of light in terms of images and activities. I was more interested in how the light streamed and danced and that it came from an aperture. I would look at the movie but I was constantly looking at the streaming of the light and how there were particles dancing and what seemed to be non- physical appeared physically on the screen So the light that you could put your hands through became physical on the screen. It had three dimensional form, it had activity, it could speak, it could do things - there was action in it That was not too dissimilar from the light beaming and streaming but the light beaming and streaming was purer than the activity on the screen.

I am endeavouring to give an expression to Reality, that this 'I' is an aperture and this 'I'  is the first light streaming this level of reality called existence. And this level of reality called existence is experienced as solid and real for it's made of Reality. 

Underlying this idea 'I am someone' is a no-one. Underlying this form is formlessness. Underlying every action is actionless-ness. Underlying every hearing is silence . Underlying every seeing is pure Seeing. Underlying every sound is pure Hearing. Underlying everything is a formless dimension of Reality and it is coming up and streaming this level. 

Just like the streaming in the cinema, once the streaming of that light goes off, everything goes black or deep. The mind turns it black - you might experience is depth. What we don't experience is as whilst we identify only with the formed level of appearances, thoughts, feelings, sensations we don't experience the very consciousness that is not divided and already is whole. So then we don't have access to where all this is coming from , forming from, coming from. So we identify and give a name to this as 'me' and 'you' and this and that through sensations and thoughts. They are all actually being developed and evolved by the movement of this light piercing the veil of perceived somebody-ness. Just like in the cinema. 

So underlying our realm of formed mental, emotional , psychological and solid physical activity there are realms or levels unseen, non-locatable in terms of local realities. But they all can be known in the Awareness of the light of Knowing. They also can be entered whilst this humanness identifies with space and time as being someone and not space and time as being the expression of the unlimited deeper realms of Being, we get held in the limited perceptions of being someone . We are literally holding on to and are taught to hold onto ( we keep teaching each other by the way that we act by how we address each other , by what we talk about , we keep informing each other that we are solid , time bound, limited and that we must keep our experience local in the 'me ' and not local as the whole. So we don't experience our wholeness, because we localise our sense of self as making itself and not as coming from that that is non-local or pure Awareness knowing it knows. 

The moment our attention is turned towards Awareness knowing Knowing at the level of the heart, you are returning to the very aperture of 'I' that is streaming this level, that is non -formal, non-formed but the information is in formation forming , projecting on the screen of Awareness. So there are deeper and deeper levels of information or light all the way to the very Source of it, which is the one who is listening to these words now . And each level upon being touched in Awareness rises up to express What It Is into form. 

What happens in the human apparent life , when these concepts and ideas that we belong to a family, that we belong to a somebody that we belong to a this , that or other sensation, we cannot take this informal information that we actually return to at apparent death. But then we find that we are not dead. We find that what we are is expanded, what we are is lightened, what we are is informed directly of what we are and able to be mobile in more that sensation , thoughts , feeling and space in time . We wonder " Why did I believe that ? " and we also realise " I knew this!" because I AM this."  

It is still quite  rare to place your attention in the knowing of Knowing Aware, when so much of this information held in the body mind  is believed to be What You Are. That's the illusion. 

Where I Know From

‘All This’ is a projection but ‘where I know from’ is the one place where you and I are the same one. Here it is individuated like a cell is a finger or a toe or a heart or a brain cell but it is all a unified coherence of that One. 

Knowing Remains

Does the projector hit the screen or is the projector and the screen and the light. Does the projector come onto the screen or is the projector projecting what's on the screen? The projector remains but the screen is on and off, on and off, night and day, night and day, sleep awake, sleep awake. The projector or the knower, the Knowing remains. You are the Knowing . You are the very ground of the movie, the very ground of the form and you can move as that ground and that light will shine and manifest the forms of Reality one is.  

The Play That Evolves The Cosmos

What You Are returns to What It Is, but really it is always the ground. This is deep dreamless sleep.  You are the Beyond and the Beyond, without becoming, is moving what becomes. But when the Beyond, Awareness identifies with the becoming ( form) it forgets what it is: eternal, never ending, never beginning. But that's a play that evolves the entire cosmos. We try to understand this with the limited sense of self.  Until the limited sense of self is planted  in the direct being true to Knowing there is no evolution. Then it looks like I am saying 'You' evolve but I am not, I am saying You are already it , but this level of streaming evolves through You being aware in it . How much of this can you be aware in for you are the Awareness in which  the entire cosmos is forming. And even the Beyond but that is a formless light of Knowing.  

A Cell Of The Universe

We have this belief that the world gives us what we need and it doesn't. It doesn't give us what we need, it gives us what it tells us we need. It continue to hold us in identification with limitation but the world is a thought form of our own making. Not somebody else's. It is a closed circuit of finite experience, but the one who is making it is infinite and has an infinite connection with the entire cosmos. Only within that do we have value. We have value and meaning in that what we are, just like a cell in your body is a cell within your whole body, you are a cell of the universe and the universe is your whole body.

No Fulfilment In What Is Outer

Once there is no fulfilment in what appears to be outer, then there is fulfilment in Being. Then there is the kind of practice of being in everything no matter how it feels. That's the trans-formation of the forms of energy and the relationship to forms of energy as something for a sense of self.

It is like gardening. You are gardening your sense of self as Awareness as you are returning your attention to being knowing . That calls up the deeper levels of being that you are being aware of. Then you become a conduit for the Being to travel up into the forms levels of Awareness. That's a movement of Oneness. In opening to fulfilment you will go through periods of unfulfilment. That's a pointer that you are moving into fulfilment. It's not as the world portrays this is . You have to turn everything upside down and inside out.

You already are existent as Awareness on deeper levels of reality. Reality is the light of your own Self - Real You. But all your attention given to a sense of self is now over. That experiment is over. Now you are realising a deeper Home-ness in being . It won't be fulfilling. It's just a Knowing and the Knowing fulfils and that becomes enough, without needing the fulfilment moving up in a bright way. Much begins to die in your old way as you discover You are the Way - way deep. You will go through the gardening period of your old ways. The world will still convince you to pick your old ways up. Like you are going to pay your bill. Pay your bills brightly. You want utter return to your being to absorb as Awareness the deeper realities that sprung out of your own depth of Being Aware.

Totally Aware In What Is


When you are being totally aware in whatever is happening, you are the light of Awareness. Then the forms realign themselves to the frequency of the Awareness that has opened. Form reshapes itself only into the vibration of the Awareness that that form is appearing in. No sense of self or person can do that. You can shift energies around as Awareness thinking you are a person, but you cannot change this level of reality. Only Awareness can by being What It Is.

Wholly Holy

You may come upon a root pattern of self, but the root pattern of self, appearing to be 'you' is also a root pattern of the field of humanity . For we areholons’, not separate entities. Wholly human, wholly universal, wholly cosmic. Wholly holy, holy. We are holy. 

Day 4

"Your life has Meaning only in the discovery of the deeper You."

"Space and time exist in the What I Am."

"I am very clear that when these bodies drop away we will still be communing on a level of Being for we are eternal." 

"When we put our attention back into our heart, what we ‘were’ becomes absent in the absence of being ‘someone’ and in true  Absence we find the Presence that has never gone anywhere and it IS the ‘What’ I Am. "

“An invisible writer is writing the script of Now. It is the ‘What’ each and every one of us is.”

All Exists In What I Am

I would like to call you deeper into a question that most people don't see they are asking of themselves in each and every moment. We don't see that as we move in this life, we don't see that we are asking who we are. We don't see that when we look at someone we are asking " Who Am I?, What Am I ?" We constantly conduct not the nature of the Deep but the very nature of that that is passing. It is limited, so we conduct limitation through reflecting off of the idea that we are 'someone' existing in space and time but space and time actually exist in the What I Am.


Singularity is the same as saying, there is only One, or Oneness. Singularity is the fact that both subject and object arise in the same space. The knower and that that seems to be known arrive in the same space. It is the space that is the Singularity.

It is the space that is the Oneness - but the subject is the Knowing.

Each and every one of us knows. The mind will add 'What do we know?' and that can be a proliferation of Knowing. Most human Knowing is knowing self-experience through things experienced. Yet even those things that are experienced are experienced beyond a thing.


A thing for instance can have emotional content or it can be experienced mentally.

Right now there can be in any one of us a Knower-sphere that is still highly charged with personal self-consideration. The Knowing heads straight to a me-centre surrounded by thoughts of me and sensations of me and feelings of me . That's perfectly fine .. it is rather like a building block of a deep possibility. And the deep possibility to shape that building block in the likeness of the Deep. That what this body is.

So within the subject of Knowing within the human realm, Knowing has different frequencies, colours but the Knowing itself is the fragrance and presence of Pure Being, the light of Awareness.

See how in the pause we can drop into the Knowing. When we drop in to Knowing, we're knowing no-thing, just deep nothing, knowing no-thing. No objects within our consciousness. If we look that is substantial peace. A quietness that Reality itself . Within Reality itself there are many levels of Reality, formed and formless but Reality is One . It is already the Totality, it is a singularity but it has functions on levels of itself in different frequencies, rather like a waterfall. The water is the same but the width of the space and the depth of the water varies. isn't it true that there is the same water in a raindrop as there is in the ocean? So could you enter a raindrop and know the ocean? Can we enter a human life and realise the Source? Not Two but the same One?

I would like to call you deeper into a question that most people don't see they are asking of themselves in each and every moment. We don't see that as we move in this life, we don't see that we are asking who we are. We don't see that when we look at someone we are asking, "Who Am I? What Am I?" We constantly conduct , not the nature of the Deep, but the very nature of that that is passing. It is limited, so we conduct limitation through reflecting off of the idea that we are 'someone' existing in space and time but space and time actually exist in the What I Am.

Wave and Ocean

All this is a movement of conductivity. Whether the hand moves to pick up a glass or the hand moves to touch your face or just moves without you even realising ..what is it conducting? A hand gesture conducts a sphere of life where the subject 'I' is coming from and endeavour to give expression and meaning to a place I am currently walking in. 

We can just walk in our conditional sense of self or we can walk as Consciousness itself. Consciousness itself can walk as Consciousness itself  in amongst the levels of its cascading Love. It can walk in more than one level in a single moment because it IS singularity. 

That is to say that each and every one of us, although we appear to be a drop, we are the whole ocean. But to access the ocean you have to BE like the ocean. If we just stay in a wave, that wave is going to end up back on the shore. The waves gone. But if you can see that rather than being a wave you can know the wave and remain as the ocean. Then the wave is the movement of the expression of the ocean. THAT is a human life.

More On The Wave

Awareness identified with that wave and its polarities can only move in that wave. A wave that had a beginning and will have an end, but its Essence neither begins no ends and that is the What I Am. 

In the human sphere we can only stay with this when we step deeper than the wave. That's when our attention, rather than holding on to the wave of 'me' and this wave of apparent others. Also contained in that wave apparently is this linear perception of seeming past and future and the dualities of positive and negative.

We know this wave is going to end, the form will drop away but we also have a knowing or a belief that we never  begin or end. We have this sense of eternity, which is the truth of the What I Am, We Are. 

Whilst Awareness identifies with the sensations of thought or feeling, whatever thought or feeling happen, happen in that wave. The belief is it is happening to a 'me' but it is only happening in that wave. 

The Conditions Are Ripe

The conditions are always ripe for the unconditional movement of the ocean. Through true conductivity, connectivity, expression, which we begin to see is already unified. It's a unified field but the mind hasn't been made different, the brain, the nervous system is still held by Awareness identifying what it is as a wave and not the ocean. But even just breathing together we transmit the ocean in the seeing we transmit the ocean. In the body we embody the ocean. We do face together, as the ocean or as the wave or in realising that the two are one, the transformation of the held pattern of a separate sensed wave. We face that together in our deeper Awareness and it is in the meeting of our old way that we become The Way. Our very form then is conductivity and the connectivity or light itself consciousness itself forming itself. We are less and less fooled that we are ‘somebody’, we are more and more discovering we are the Totality, the Wholeness - already. 

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What We Give Our Attention To 

What we are distracted by is what we keep giving our attention to. What we become is actually what we keep giving our attention to. What if you gave your attention to the ocean? It wouldn't be that you become the ocean, you simply return to the knowledge ‘I Am the ocean’. From that moment onwards you no longer become anything. Becoming happens all on its own. 


Conductivity is the truth that there is no one that doesn't have power. Power moves where you put your attention and forms where your attention is given to. Bring your attention in through the heart and remain Knowing. Then the images and places where your attention used to exist, where you used to lay everything that ‘you are’ will begin to cease and no longer have energy. You will believe you are dying . It can be a pretty hellish undoing. Because the patterning has really got into the body, into the brain and the nervous system. It's all ok because there is no such thing as  death. But the opportunity here is to fully live the fulfilment of what one is as a Being. This is what existence is for and the very meaning of it is to stream Reality as Reality. When you withdraw your attention from these musts, do's and don'ts and all those positive and negative charges then your life is going to start to  fall apart as the known. But it is going to come together as the ocean.

True Absence

When we put our attention back into our heart, what we ‘were’ becomes absent in the absence of ‘being someone’ and in true Absence we find the Presence that has never gone anywhere and it IS the What I Am. The excitement will go out of life but the joy is not far behind. To remain within the presence of What Is, you will find your mouth can taste it, your heart is warmed by it, your fingers begin to sensate in it and your endeavour is to share it - no longer with a self-centre. The centre keeps vanishing. The ocean has no centre and out of that comes softness and openness. The a little island shows but that island is okay, it is so going to sink again until the island can arise without a centre and just flower. It is the way life goes and then we find we really come alive. It can be more of a silent aliveness...there is an underlying change of relationship. 

Those Terrible Moments Are Fusion Points

It is those really terrible moments that are the fusion of the Next. To go asleep in those terrible moments doesn't fuse the unusual into this place of new forming. Those terrible moments are fusion points of infinite Awareness. It doesn't mean that you have to make terrible moments! No, but they are the deeper Calling. They remind you of What you really are. They remind you. Right there is a cross road, rather like a cross that you can die on to being a wave and return to being the ocean, which moves the wave and lives the wave.

Those terrible moment point you back in the directionless direction of what you deeply are. They are transformative moments. Moments of genius. Moments of real possibility. Right there an entirely new life can have deep connectivity and conductivity. You realise you are more than your thought, your feeling, your self and that is what transforms the way you think, the way you feel, the way you move and the way you relate. You have just become a glow walking in this world. The glow is ‘you know you know’. The glow is you know you know more than that limited sense of self that you experience and either relate to or completely let go of. The glow is you know you know more than a conditional sense of self. Move into the glow. When I know I glow and that glow is very heart of this earth, the universe. It is the Self - I Am that I Am. 

Day 5

"We obscure the glory of what Being is, That that I Am."

“Thought exists in a linear dimension of make-believe time. “

“We're all held in the belief that we're ‘somebodies’, self-images thinking, moved by the idea 'I had a past' “

“To be present, each and every one comes upon the stopping of time, which is a thought of 'me'. “

“It's natural to move on. A new field of humanness is already in the making. That new field of human-ness isn't some body.  It is a natural occurrence within the movement of the cosmic reality, for each cell within the cosmic reality is in the glory of one Being.”

"Knowing knowing is ‘I’ knowing beyond the subject and beyond the object. I am Knowing. The sense of self finds it very difficult to know nothing, which is Being.  Because we have objectified ourselves and created images that are imprinted in the body-mind as 'I existed in the past' ."

"Knowing knowing is the Consciousness by which you know anything, whether it's a subject/object relationship or a knowing of profundity."

“Inspiration is Awareness one with Knowing and it lights up the body in glory. “

“Do we glorify our self or are we glory itself?”

" Believing is the first stage of Knowing integrating. Believe your Knowing knowing What You Are."

“Thought is simply this idea that you have a yesterday and a tomorrow. Thought is the movement of the creation of time through Awareness looking back and that looking back to relate to Now, imprints self-images. That self-image of What You Are is called 'your self' ,small self or egoic self. Even a child, which is pure innocence is taught to be egoic, an imprint, a very strong imprint mostly arising through giving formlessness a name. “

"What One Is is timeless, already free and ‘ All This' is just a phenomenal flow of the glow of the glory of Being." 

"When all phenomena stop in your awareness You remain - absolutely quietly present as Consciousness itself. " 

"The world teaches you to remember but truly you are profound Knowing. You do not need to remember, but all your actions that you might call worldly come about because of What You deeply Are."

"When Awareness or Consciousness itself answers this moment of experience directly as Knowing, the answer collapses the illusion I am someone and infinite Awareness , doesn't begin to live, it is ALL that really is Here." 

“Can anything that is passing ever give you an answer to that that does not pass? 

“There is no one here but that infinite One who is HereNow appearing to be people, birds, plants , trees, floor, ground, sky, lightbulbs, stars ....”

“The question of Life can only be answered by the Infinite Life and that IS the One who is listening now. “

Exploring Consciousness

I would love to explore Consciousness itself with you. I would love to explore the nature of Being and how it becomes. How is it? Is it 'somebody'? Is it everybody? Is it a light that comes on and off? Is there power behind the light or is the light behind the power? And how come light comes out of nothing? Does power come out of nothing too? Do power and light come out of nothing? In this nothing, how come I'm aware but I couldn't care about anything whatsoever? I just love Nothing.

All these seem ridiculous questions to most people on this planet of earth, which is in the glory of Being. All there really is, is the glory of Being but most of us listen to some twisted teachings and there are many twisted teachings on the planet that think that there is glory somewhere else other than in the very breath that we breathe in this moment. 

When The Train Stops


The belief that you had experience yesterday is the creation of time. The creation of time creates thought. We can only think in time, from an image of an experience that has already passed. You are encoding patterns with the idea that you are ‘someone’ who had a past. You begin to obscure the reality of this level of existence, which is a level of Being forming, with images of someone that doesn't actually exist. That is thought. For thought to exist you need to believe in time. 

You, Awareness in Being, takes a picture, a photographic memory that you existed in the past in a certain way. You put your name on that image. You need space and time to perform certain actions that then belong to a ‘somebody’. You obscure the glory of what Being is, That that I Am. That is the very pain and suffering everyone on the planet experiences, until they stop. Once you stop it, is rather like a train coming to a sudden halt. Once you stop, all the carriages begin to collapse into each other. All the images, the carriages of times, of distances, of past collapse. All beings that come to this sphere of humanity have to deal with this at some point or another - the belief that all the imprints or the conditionalities of this level concern you, but they are no concern of yours. 

You are taught that you should be concerned about them. So you get concerned by the images that you performed a certain action and others performed certain actions and that there are actions for and actions against you as a separate entity. Your mind cannot do anything but think about your self-image. That is thought and thought exists in a linear dimension of make-believe time. 

What happens is that all these images pile up in the brain. They are all patterns encoded with the belief there is ‘someone’ that created and needs to keep moving the image of a 'me' that doesn't actually exist. 

Thought lands you in the belief that you are ‘someone’ with encodements of past experiences that are solid in a linear form and if you don't think about them, the train will stop. When the train stops, all the thoughts and all the images collide and all the energy that those imprints are made of come to one point. That is the pressure we feel in our daily lives. 

We are taught to maintain the self-image that we are ‘someone’ here. We are taught to keep thinking about the past. We are also taught to think about the future, so we can get away from the past and build new self-images. We continue to give ancestry to all beings that come of the fear of not being Eternal Consciousness itself. 

We are all held in the belief that we are ‘somebodies’, self-images thinking and moved by the idea “I had a past.” This is tremendous energy of imagination. This is why your brain will not be silent until you realise What You Are. To realise What You Are, you will need to STOP. 

You cannot stop thinking but you can, as Knowing-Awareness cease relating to thought. That is the stopping of the train. Often in our lives the train stops by someone leaving us, becoming ill, dying. Some event at some point or other stops the train. That event has come about through your greater intelligence awakening itself. These events make Consciousness self-reflect.

When we bring our awareness directly to the light of Knowing, the train slows down. All the energy of the past comes up in thoughts, feelings and situations that we electro-magnetically create to sustain a self-centre. There is an overload in our nervous system. What we tend to do with this overload is invent a new person to have a better future, invent a bigger, faster train carrying more passengers of images.

If you just stop, the train might not even crash. You might realise it was never really there. It was simply a thought of a 'me'. In that moment, which is only ever Now, there is glory because the one who is listening to these words is that very glory. It doesn't need space, doesn't need time, doesn't need a name, doesn't need things. All this simply arrives in the glory for this is a glorious life!

It Just Moves In Glory
Patterns enable Consciousness to be and have form and move that form in Being. Form begins to move and have form in Being. The Being never becomes the form. The form moves in Beingness and the entire Cosmos is a form of true form or Beingness. But the Beingness in Truth never is identified with being any element of the forming Beingness of the cosmos. It doesn’t believe it’s a star. It doesn’t believe it’s a planet. It doesn’t believe it’s a man. It doesn’t believe it’s a woman. It just moves in glory and the Being streams and moves through it all and becomes what it is and it all moves in glory. That is our joy.

Knowing Knowing

When you are the Knowing, what is there to believe? When as Awareness you're knowing and you're responding to Knowing there will be no objects or even a subject in the Knowing . There are no pictures in it . It doesn't yet exist as a form. That's called potentiality but the potentiality is already infinite for it is the light of Being Aware. When you as Knowing, or Being Aware head towards responding to the Knowing that transcends the thought-system that creates space and time, you are suddenly inspired. Inspiration is Awareness one with Knowing and it lights up the body in glory.

Is There An Experiencer?
We are looking at time and space as a train, where we collect imprints. We imprint the energy of the moment with the image of a 'me'. The images of a 'me' only arises out of the collection of memories in printed in this pure negativity called 'I' , that collects energetic images and imprints of experience as if 'someone' is experiencing.  What we are looking at is ' Is there an experiencer or is the only experience Consciousness itself ? Is the experience just Consciousness itself ? 

Thought is simply this idea that you have a yesterday and a tomorrow. Thought is the movement of the creation of time through Awareness looking back and that looking back to relate to Now, imprints self-images. That self-image of What You Are is called 'your self', small self or egoic self. Even a child, which is pure innocence is taught to be egoic, an imprint, a very strong imprint mostly arising through giving formlessness a name. 

The Ticket Collector is Consciousness Itself 

The collector of the ticket is the return of all the energies of time and space and imagination. The ticket collector is consciousness itself, the Self, not a someone. All the tickets come back and the ticket collector collects the imprints of past. That moves pure conductivity. The conductor, the ticket collector and all the images are actually the same one. All the images their energy and impetus return.

What Remains 

Ask yourself, does the consciousness of knowing a thing not pass? 
And does Consciousness itself ever pass? Once conscious of something do I not remain conscious? Am I not just Consciousness, not of a thing, but Consciousness itself ?

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Then things seem to appear to Consciousness. I can move towards them and identify  with the object of Consciousness but I am always returned to Consciousness itself. Until I no longer need an object to know I am Consciousness Itself - The Self.  It is all that  there is present. Am I any less for having no object to reflect my consciousness? It is what I called Glory this morning or the light. 

Why would I look into the objects to know What I Am, or the answer to life's questions? Surely, would I not just know through Knowing itself being What I Am? Why would I look through my mind into my sense of self or person to have an answer to anything? Can anything that is passing ever give me an answer that does not pass? Surely when everything is passed I remain as Consciousness itself.

All questions are answered only in What I Am, Consciousness itself. There are no answers that are not passing in any realm other than Consciousness itself. No answers in an object, no answer in the subject, no answer in the life that is passing, in being born or dying. What remains is always Consciousness or Being. There I Am the answer to myself. 

We tend to look for the answers in the known, in the familiar, through thoughts and feelings , space and time. We're moving away from What we Are, but that's a paradox because what we move into in moving away from What we Are is made of What we Are but in image and energy. It is a distortion or a play of the very light of Consciousness. 

All answers are in the home of Being, Consciousness Itself. You don't go anywhere. You are looking for answers in what comes and goes, in bodies, minds, thoughts feelings and activities. But all those are the phenomena of the conductivity or the radiance or the glory of Consciousness or Being itself.  

When we really begin to get this, we begin to rest and we begin to now Love for it is our true nature and the solution to each and every moment becomes wonderfully apparent for it is 'I' , the one who is listening to these words now. The conductivity is then no longer given away to a sense of self as if an image , that that is passing is ever going to show you What You Are. If you look though you will see that when all phenomena stop in your awareness you remain - absolutely quietly present as Consciousness itself. 

What You Are 

What You Are IS the Here IS the Now. ‘Here’ is infinite space, Pure Awareness. 
’Now’ is timeless infinity - what appears to be Here as this time. 

What You Are is the Here and the Now of any phenomenal form of experience.
No time, no space, no distance, no other - One Life.

The Answer To Life
The answer to all that appears to be relative is relational only to the depth of the Knowing. This is a non-relative Knowing. It is not relative to anything. What You Are is Knowing knowing Knowing. As you who is listening only relate to Knowing, it is  no longer a relative situation, it is an immediate knowing of infinite Awareness. In keeping yourself away from what you know , it becomes relative to a certain situation that you are either trying to change, to keep or to push away and resist. That is what builds more of the belief you are ‘someone’. 

The question of Life can only be answered by the Infinite Life and that IS the one who is listening now. Consciousness itself must answer the question of the moment. It is the only answer. Reflecting off of what has ever happened before is futile. It is finite. Coming direct together in the direct immediate knowing of Consciousness itself, the entire room will collapse into glowing infinite Oneness. That is not just a possibility.  That IS what human life is for. That is a Real Humanity in Being. 

 Day 6

“All is, every-thing is the no-thing I Am.”

"Those moments that are really tough are the moments of deepest opportunity."

"Truly have a look, are we the creators of our own experience, no matter how terrible?
Is the most awful stuff not made of the same stuff that the movement of Love is made of ? “

"In our ability to be totally as Awareness within 'What Is' we are returned to What I Am." 

"‘All this’ is contained in the uncontainable.”

"Whenever we experience a contraction, it's a holding pattern." 

"All forms are the energy of conveying the deeper knowing of Reality." 

"The world is your own contraction."

You Can Always Hear The Calling

You can always hear the Calling. Notice when you hear the Calling there is conductivity. Instantly you are moved. There is a fineness moving and it moves through what appears to be a body. That fineness moving is not just what you love, it IS Love. And like a salmon able to go to where it was spawn, you are able to travel up that stream. As it comes down you are traveling up towards that that calls. That that calls is not anything other than What one is. You are traveling up the streaming coming down to activate the calling, which forms the universe, dissolves it and remakes it in the same instant. Some call that Now. But the word Now, just as the word Love have become as familiar and second hand as the word Truth.

Suddenly whatever You Are stumbles upon the Truth and in that stumbling upon the Truth, caught unawares as it were, you become fully aware. Awareness realises its totality of Awareness. It's a game of hide and seek. What moves the life is this play of hiding, moving, seeking and through all that learning and there is this natural letting go. There is nobody doing it. Then you find that what is endlessly calling, because it doesn't have a beginning and an end - 'You' don't discover because there is no You. the discovery IS and that is the 'return'. 



Alchemy is another word for conductivity. AS we speak and you communicate a deeper level of Knowing- Aware, the actual connectivity of that Knowing up into this body and up into the conversation is alchemy.  It is a conductivity of coherently hearing the truth, touching upon it, unveiling it and communing with it in the endeavour to translate it. It conducts, it moves and those that can hear and those that can see what this is are being filled up with the conductivity of the truth of the communication with Being. That is alchemy. The body then begins to be a vessel of this alchemy, the embodiment, the movement of it.  There is the transformation of the mind, the thought-system, the emotional body. It is all being changed by this conductivity of deeper enquiry. The mind begins to be silent, there is a quietness at the level of the heart. Reality begins to be palpably the 'What Is ' and it is no longer obscured.

Universal Intelligence 

Form is a form of energy. Quite simply , to use an example, if you have wood, you have some timber and you set fire to it , it burns as a release of energy and it produces anther kind of energy, which means it releases information at a greater velocity, a greater release of energy and that is the heat that you experience. It is all information burning. the sun is information burning but an information that pierces the void, pouring from the void. So depth of information - solar energy, which is solar information. It is a Beingness and the warmth of that Beingness is only the movement of information. It is a knowledge moving, a consciousness moving , a Beingness moving. It can be registered, can be measured.

The sun is a solar being piercing the veil of illusion and transporting conductivity of a profound dimension of being coming into this universe. In fact the sun is the Beingness of this universe. This body is a form of that Being. It is conducting intelligence, conducting consciousness and it is ‘giving away’. In that movement of conductivity, the movement of its consciousness it burns to give it.

The heat of the sun is actually a cold heat. It's like saying 'black light'. The light of Awareness is black light. it is this level of reality that turns the coolness of a cosmic reality, in other words not form, into warmth. The cool warms.  It warms to giving away what it is. That's the warmth that you feel and know at your heart when you address another as a Being. When you meet each other as a being that warmth is the coolness of solar intelligence. Unity. Universal intelligence. 

Living According To An Instruction Manual

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If we look, human life or let's say 'worldly life' - for human life to me is one with the earth and one with the universe and evolving - worldly life is a life in the belief that I am the body mind and I have an instruction manual on how to live and I am heading for goals all the while. 

The instruction manual is the conditionality of every contraction that ever happened and was believed to be What I Am. Whenever Awareness that has identified with the instruction manual, experiences contraction that is a sure sign that Awareness has stepped into a greater profundity or a greater level of reality than the known, than the familiar. 

It is a sure sign that 'I' , whoever this I is, have stepped into a greater level of reality that is not formed or contracted , for it is consciousness and has no energy. It is consciousness , it doesn't need anything. 

But Consciousness moving up onto this level, moves information and the reality that it moves produces energy. That moment of this creation of energy is Bang or OM or it is just an 'outbreath', an exhalation. So the movement of consciousness produces the energy  which is a movement of that information. Right there existence happens. 

So, 'I' who am listening have stepped beyond the familiar, so the amount of energy that is going to move is going to be dynamically more real than energy held within the contraction of a centre of self. Awareness has entered a greater realm of Being. 

Are You Interested?

Unless, as Awareness, you are interested it won't open.  We are so confused because we really believe we are somebody, we are   confused because the somebody we believe to be cannot enter . Your sense of self cannot enter the Truth. It can't because essentially there is no one here.

Who you think you are through linear perception can never understand WHAT you are. Never!

You will never understand this through the looking glass of a separate sense of self. Understanding doesn't happen. What happens though is ‘re-cognition’. 

The Mind Can't Enter 

The Mind does not enter deep dreamless sleep, so it calls ‘you going deeper than mind’ sleep. The mind calls sleep, sleep. It cannot translate the unknown the unformed, the unfamiliar, It can only translate the familiar, the known. That's egoity. 

You Have Trained Your Mind In Egoity

You have trained your mind to translate reality from egoity, a separate sense of self. You have believed it and you can't train your mind to translate reality YOU have to translate it , without your mind, then when you come up to the body-mind then, YOU translate that in your mind and mind shines it. Mind is the secondary shining of what Awareness is until YOU outshine mind totally. That's no-mind. 

You find it hard to drop in deeply because you have practiced egoity, practiced contraction and the world keeps teaching you this. But the world is your own contraction. When you are being more than the familiar and you have been opening as that unfamiliarity in the body mind, then the body-mind won't close down , because basically YOU, Awareness, are the boss. 

So within the body mind you have placed all these little mechanisms that, when you are going to step over the familiar, you have taught the body-mind to close down. That is contraction. But when you really come alive with deeper meaning and deeper purpose to even exist, then you undo those mechanisms. So when they're triggered you realise; “Oh…yes, I am undoing this.I have gone past that trigger.”

 Day 7

"It is not that you 'become' timeless. You simply realise there is no such thing as time, unless you take a thought." 

"When we engage this moment of life together, let your attention be planted in deeper Knowing. It is the garden that grows this forming; grows it and glows it." 

"Unless you use a thought is there anybody here but living Presence?"

"When all thoughts drop away there is only Awareness, which is the ground of all arising of thought or thing."

We Run Around In Circles

As humans we run around in circles and circles of thinking, objectifying Reality in bits and pieces, thoughts and feelings and sensations. We wonder why we are never at peace, when we are the very peace that we seek. 

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Life Streaming Being

The mind can't help but think until Awareness itself returns its attention to the Heart to Being. Then there are no objects. That's life streaming Being . You will still pick up a cup you will still open a door, you will still say "Pass the salt, please." But it won't have you as Awareness objectifying this movement of life as a subject and object. You will begin to cease needing to use thought, which is a movement that creates a belief that there is time. 

Enter To Discover

The ground of all this is Pure Being Aware. We have to enter to discover. Awareness discovers the fullness of being what it deeply is. No longer distracted by thought. Not even needing to end the realm of though ..but just not being a thought. One's original wonder is seen to flow. 

Disturbing Mind - a conversation

Q: In these last days of the retreat my experience has been an extreme of mind and a deeply disturbing level of mind has been appearing. 

B: Find out what disturbing mind is .

Q: Disturbing to my self that this is taking place. 

B: Whose self? Is it the disturbance of the self disturbing itself ? Isn't it thought disturbing its own thoughts? You can think about your self but see if you can think about Awareness and yet it is clear that when all thoughts drop away there is only Awareness, which is the ground of the arising of thought or any thing. 

So is thought disturbing its own thought system ? Is it your thought, is it his thought? Is it a Russian thought or an American thought? Is it energy imprinted with names, with do’s, don'ts and polarities? See what ‘disturbing’ is. You are a gardener and I have seen you put a fork into this soil very sharply. You put it in and you get a foot and you push your foot on that fork and then you rattle the whole thing around. Is that disturbing the ground?

In that disturbance would you plant another thought or would you plant your greater knowing Awareness? What would you plant in that garden you are digging? Are you going to plant seeds of a deeper Reality in this sense of self? What are you going to grow there, whoever this is that is listening? What is being disturbed . Who is being disturbed. Find who is being disturbed and keep going in to see if you can find the root of the one who is being disturbed. Or is the one who is being disturbed just like a plant with a root that can be pulled up? Suddenly the one who is being disturbed has been uprooted and not found to be What one is. 

Q: Well the one that is disturbed is endlessly disturbed and will always be disturbed ...

B: But who or what is that that is disturbing it ? is there somebody there with a fork, prodding it? Who or What is disturbing that that can be disturbed?

Q: Awareness is prodding ..

B: Is it prodding or is it simply no longer objectifying reality, though thoughts and feelings but beginning to know What It Is , which is quite indescribable and yet it is being entered, realised. Is that very entrance into your original nature, your original essence , the Presence of it, the Now-ness of it disturbing only that that is false, not YOU? There is a little bit of gardening going on.

Q: It's wonderful when one can see it as that but not wonderful in the process of it.

B: When you see through the eyes of a separate sense of self, is there anything really wonderful? Or is it relative to the polarities you prefer? But isn't the wonderful-ness, the natural sinking in of the head to the heart to the Being Aware, isn't that  moved by where you bring attention? That may disturb all the garden beds of the ideas of a separate sense of self, but then isn't something deeply being planted to come alive in form?

Q: But one must ‘do’ that… It's not happening of its own accord , one must actively activate that.

B: Who is going to do that? Who is going to activate that? look for the  one who is going to do that, for the one who is going to activate it. tell me if you find them. Give me their address. The only address you will be able to give me is ‘Here Now’, but you have to be present in that. Find out what Presence is . 

Q: When that disturbance is taking place I can either go with it or I can actively disengage it.

B: What is your knowing when disturbance is taking place ? What is your knowing . Are we speaking as two people her or are we speaking as Awareness engaging in being. What is the deeper Knowing . What do you know more deeply than this surface mental emotional...

Q: I am know that there is gardening taking place and the rubbish is coming out. 

B: Who is knowing that? Do you see how we are unwilling to end it, end this idea that we are is someone knowing. We won't even speak about it because the moment we speak about it . it is ended. Plucked out of the garden. We won't go there to find out that we are purely Presence Aware in Being. No one actually here. We won’t finally own up to it because somewhere it is the end of our old life of control. 

How well do you sleep? 

Q: Extremely well. I am just gone!

B: Can you go now to where you go to in what appears to be sleep? can you go there or is there a Knowing of what that is, where you appear to go to. Is it not present here and Now ? 

Isn't the gone-ness the very ground of all experience? Unless you use a thought is there anybody here but living Presence? This gone-ness, this ground that somehow this Presence comes from and returns to, is it not what is here? Present Here. Is not Present here deep dreamless sleep ? Present here where the idea of sleep just vanishes? Where it seems that forms of experiencing arise, dance, move and return? And you are that total enjoyment of being Aware having form without a thought, without an identification with  thought are you now already free? You have trained the mind to think about an image of you. We have looked at this deeply together, how this invention of ' someone' takes place. 

Q: I find it hard to move to take this cross over ..

B: Is there really a cross over? Do you have to move into it? Do you have to go into something? Isn't it so much more simple? It's a recognition.  When Awareness deeply re-cognises there is a natural opening because the obscuration of the identities of thought feeling that creates time, backwards and forwards, just evaporates.  Then there is just this openness of What one Is.  On this level there might still be the tinges of valuing forms of experience but much, much lighter, until it is seen very clearly that all that is here, is Pure Awareness one with the light of Knowing, Consciousness Itself. You can open to this subtlety because you ARE this subtlety of Being. 

How subtle is breathing? You know you breathe. If you follow the breath are you following breathing or are you following subtlety, Awareness streaming in the subtlety of breathing as if it is a river of subtle life, non-objectified. As your attention is on the subtlety of the breath, isn't there a knowing of opening the expansion and greater depth of Awareness. Awareness not as something 'over there' other than what truly is ? 

Realising Wholeness

You are realising Wholeness.  You are realising that form is formlessness and emptiness is fullness and fullness is emptiness and something is nothing and nothing is something and a little bit is the whole thing and the whole thing is in a little bit. You are realising Wholeness. It IS this One that is it all. It IS What Is that has it all, that is it all that moves it all, it all and also loses it all - all in the same space between the breath. There is no loss, there is no gain. It's called 'evenness'. You just look and you enter, you look and you find . You don't find some thing. You find Knowing and you find more Knowing because there is only infinite Awareness. It is not someone finding anymore. It is not a centre. It is What I Am.  It is no-nonsense nonsense, balance, harmony. You have completely given up his concept that you are someone, something or that you are no one, empty. You have given up polarity. That is wholeness. You look, you see, you find. You find, you see you're gone. It's no longer a shock to the system, no longer a shock to the universal body. It is utterly What Is. You are hilariously clear, silently real, quietly That. 

Awareness may look and laugh. Awareness may see and go in. Awareness may know and disappear. Awareness may and may not...No thing is a problem. You are discovering you are not someone to have a problem. Really you have it all, because you are the All. You have no need to find. You have found. Nothing whatsoever.

 Day 8

 “If you don't think, you cannot enter the past because there is no such thing.”

“When we cease naming, Essence direct and immediate is the very fragrance of Being.
We are experiencing directly Essence of Being, which is our very Self.”

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The End Of The Game 

There is often resistance to go towards the knowing of the Knowing that knows the 'What this Is', because that is the giving up of the game of separating. That is the resistance. If I-Awareness go to the knowing of the Knowing, the game is up. 'I am holding the resistance, I am holding this me of contraction together,  I am doing the contraction. The question is whether you are over playing that game and you want to discover directly What You Are. 

When a Seeming Person Realises 

When a seeming person realises because the veil parted for no apparent reason, there is only pure Consciousness, absolutely Aware - Being. It didn't happen to anybody but it opened and then that openness seems to have landed in a body or a person and the intelligence of that body or person has been super elevated to the heights of profound brilliance. There might be periods of profound absorption in this but then it seems the most cruel thing happens. It is as if you get thrown back into conditionality, but actually that realising into the Being is one's true home. 

The Awareness seems to end up in conditional form but those forms are arising in Awareness and only that Awareness resolves those forms into shapes of Love. Whoever this is that realised, you must live the realisation, you must be the living realisation. That can splinter in many ways because the  tendency is to still operate through that sense of self and believe that ' someone' has realised. No one got realised. That is the difficulty. Everyone here has this. To live that realisation is the transformation of those forms by and as bright shining knowing Awareness, not somebody. This never ends. It cannot end. You are having to bring that awakened-ness into this level of the sense of self, the sense of person . the sense of human-ness. You are to bring it in by living it . 

You begin to know yourself, but are you knowing your self or are you knowing this form of You called human-ness? You might really begin to understand what is taking place here - that is the opportunity. Then the Life is pure conveyance. The moment is conveyance and that conveyance is integrated and sped up by relationship. You cannot not relate this awakening.

This awakening integrates only through relatedness but the relatedness is to the Knowing or Truth. The relatedness is to Awareness knowing it knows it is aware. Only Awareness can resolve the forms and the seeming lack of consciousness that lives those forms. You are to bring more consciousness here, which means a greater depth of Meaning and Knowing. You are placing Awareness into the deeper realms of one's own Being. 

Give Up Naming

If  you name a flower you will name ‘you’. If you name birdsong , you will name yourself. If you name anything you will get a reflection only of the name you have given yourself and all its images.

If you give up naming, you will be nameless formless bright full living Awareness, because that's what you are. It is just that all the names and the naming are burning up in the cooker of realising What you Are and it will get extremely uncomfortable for those rare few ..until they say 'Cook me some more!, Push me back into the pot!' 

When we name something we try to draw something out of it for our name, our sense of self. When we cease naming Essence, direct and immediate is the very fragrance of Being. We are experiencing directly Essence of Being, which is our very Self. Cease naming as an identification.  Put things in their right place. It is YOU that doesn't have a name or even a place. 

You CAN rest while your self is extremely uncomfortable. There is a finer fragrance of Being. You will come into it, free of a name. You will go through the fire of naming objects, because you have names yourself. 

You were taught to do this. Have you ever seen the statues in India of deities and  beings surrounded by flames? Fire keeps the purity of Being known in forming. No one actually here but fullness.  

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